Heart broken

just doen't even do how I am feeling justice. I feel betrayed, heart broken, just broken in general. I mean what do you do when the one you love the most betrays your trust? It is so hard for me to let my guard down, then when I finally get brave enough to do it............BOOM!!! I mean it seems to happen every time I let my guard down. I want to trust, I really do, it just seems to always turn out this way - - me feeling betrayed. I just really feel empty. You love me yet you lie to me? Trying to make sense of it all, even going as far as trying to rationalize your actions in my head for you . I don't know what you have done to us. I don't know how bad this will impact our future together. I don't know how this will all come to a head in the end. I have asked God to help me with forgiveness in this matter and I trust that He will. Oh well, I guess that's all I really have to blog about this...I'm sure that I will have other things to say at a later time....

As my life

continues to be on hold, something incredible has happened in the last couple of weeks. I have gotten the opportunity to spend some fun time with a very special 11 year old boy. I have learned a few things from this experience....life can be fun through the eyes of a child because nothing is really expected....next, children see the world through blinders....and one other thing, he wore me out....I don't think I ever had the energy this kid has...I can't wait until everthing is complete and things are as they should be.

Anyhoodle, on another note.........................................

Easter was an amazing time had by all (I hope). We should all consider ourselves very blessed, to have a Savior that cared enough to sacrifice Himself. I mean how many people, if any, would you be willing to go through what He did? I am far from perfect....I know that it was my sin that nailed Him to that cross. I don't appreciate that anywhere near the way I should. I mean seriously, w/o Him I wouldn't be here, and neither would you. It's hard to fathom the intense events that happened that day so many years ago, but I think that we must try. I hope to live a better life from this moment on, never losing sight of the real reason I'm here. It's for His glory and Kingdom results, not my own. I want a relationship with my future husband to be a Godly one. I want Jesus in the center of it all. With Him all things are possible!!!