Heart broken

just doen't even do how I am feeling justice. I feel betrayed, heart broken, just broken in general. I mean what do you do when the one you love the most betrays your trust? It is so hard for me to let my guard down, then when I finally get brave enough to do it............BOOM!!! I mean it seems to happen every time I let my guard down. I want to trust, I really do, it just seems to always turn out this way - - me feeling betrayed. I just really feel empty. You love me yet you lie to me? Trying to make sense of it all, even going as far as trying to rationalize your actions in my head for you . I don't know what you have done to us. I don't know how bad this will impact our future together. I don't know how this will all come to a head in the end. I have asked God to help me with forgiveness in this matter and I trust that He will. Oh well, I guess that's all I really have to blog about this...I'm sure that I will have other things to say at a later time....

As my life

continues to be on hold, something incredible has happened in the last couple of weeks. I have gotten the opportunity to spend some fun time with a very special 11 year old boy. I have learned a few things from this experience....life can be fun through the eyes of a child because nothing is really expected....next, children see the world through blinders....and one other thing, he wore me out....I don't think I ever had the energy this kid has...I can't wait until everthing is complete and things are as they should be.

Anyhoodle, on another note.........................................

Easter was an amazing time had by all (I hope). We should all consider ourselves very blessed, to have a Savior that cared enough to sacrifice Himself. I mean how many people, if any, would you be willing to go through what He did? I am far from perfect....I know that it was my sin that nailed Him to that cross. I don't appreciate that anywhere near the way I should. I mean seriously, w/o Him I wouldn't be here, and neither would you. It's hard to fathom the intense events that happened that day so many years ago, but I think that we must try. I hope to live a better life from this moment on, never losing sight of the real reason I'm here. It's for His glory and Kingdom results, not my own. I want a relationship with my future husband to be a Godly one. I want Jesus in the center of it all. With Him all things are possible!!!

hmmmmm......

So, I have many things jumbled in my head...Wouldn't even know where to begin. I want things to be the way I've wanted for almost a year now. I'm in love with the most incredible man and I want the world to know it. And, for reasons beyond my control, that can't happen right now. I am wearing so thin....and I'm afraid my patience may run out. I am trying so hard so that doesn't happen because I really believe that my future husband is within my grasp. What to do, what to do, WHAT TO DO???? I love him, and I can see forever with him, no doubt. There are just certain things that drive me insane. I'm working on it, it's not gonna change over night, it's really hard..........

snow

being snowed in by yourself sucks!!!!!!!

Well it's 2010

NOW WHAT!?!

I really have high hopes for this upcoming year. So many things are gonna be changed in my life. We've started a new series on Wednesday nights "Making Peace With Your Past" and it's gonna be a challenge I'm sure.

On a WONDERFUL note I plan on being married by the time I'm thirty-two, or at least engaged for the final time... :) I know that this is in my near future, and I absolutely cannot wait. Life is finally gonna begin for me, I just know it. And I'm not gonna settle either, which makes it even more FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well, really not much to blog about and everything to blog about all at the same time. I'm sure I will be back... :)

until....................

As 2009 comes to an end

I sit here in front of this computer and reflect on the events that have happened within... This past year has had many twists and turns. So I guess I will just start at the beginning of this strange year as I reflect. I started the year off alone, which really isn't a big shocker since I've been doing that for years. However, this time I thought I was "with" someone and therefore thought it was a given that we would be together on that day, but NOPE. That was truly the deciding factor for ending that so called "relationship." So, I moved from that one into one that was much much more destructive - - - WHAT WAS I THINKING? That's just it, I wasn't. Well, it didn't take me long to figure out that's not where I wanted nor needed to be...I had to bounce. And as fate would have it, in March I met my soulmate. The person was dead on but the circumstance was way wrong. So, not only has it been the happiest year of my life, it has been the most difficult. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I'm supposed to spend forever with him, it's just the timing was way off. I think we are getting closer now, but still not the exact time. It's hard wanting something so bad and it be just beyond reach. I know that it will come full circle really soon, and I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY LIFE TO BEGIN. I want to be a better person and this man makes me want to be just that. I want to be all I can be for him. I want our relationship to be envied. I want people to look at us and think, "man, I want what they have" and that doesn't just mean the love we share for each other but also the love that we share for God. For without Him, we wouldn't be possible for sure. I hope that we can build a strong relationship with God. I want that to start ASAP. I love this man and I want nothing more than to be his wife when the right time comes. I know that I'm hard to get along with and that I'm a challenging case but I think I've found someone that can handle the challenge or at least wants to try. HE LIKES IT AND HE KNOWS IT :) Anywho, I'm sure that next year is the big year for me - - HAPPINESS LURKS - - BEWARE :) Happy New Year!!!!!!

Yes, it's that time again....

Well, it's Christmas Eve and this isn't exactly how I had planned to spend it this year (alone). I know that everything goes according to plan, it's just really hard right now. I am thankful for the blessings in my life, don't get me wrong - - - there is just one huge blessing that is so incomplete. I didn't think you could miss someone that you don't even have. I'm just trying to press forward and make it thru this season a better woman.......