As 2009 comes to an end

I sit here in front of this computer and reflect on the events that have happened within... This past year has had many twists and turns. So I guess I will just start at the beginning of this strange year as I reflect. I started the year off alone, which really isn't a big shocker since I've been doing that for years. However, this time I thought I was "with" someone and therefore thought it was a given that we would be together on that day, but NOPE. That was truly the deciding factor for ending that so called "relationship." So, I moved from that one into one that was much much more destructive - - - WHAT WAS I THINKING? That's just it, I wasn't. Well, it didn't take me long to figure out that's not where I wanted nor needed to be...I had to bounce. And as fate would have it, in March I met my soulmate. The person was dead on but the circumstance was way wrong. So, not only has it been the happiest year of my life, it has been the most difficult. There isn't a doubt in my mind that I'm supposed to spend forever with him, it's just the timing was way off. I think we are getting closer now, but still not the exact time. It's hard wanting something so bad and it be just beyond reach. I know that it will come full circle really soon, and I CAN'T WAIT FOR MY LIFE TO BEGIN. I want to be a better person and this man makes me want to be just that. I want to be all I can be for him. I want our relationship to be envied. I want people to look at us and think, "man, I want what they have" and that doesn't just mean the love we share for each other but also the love that we share for God. For without Him, we wouldn't be possible for sure. I hope that we can build a strong relationship with God. I want that to start ASAP. I love this man and I want nothing more than to be his wife when the right time comes. I know that I'm hard to get along with and that I'm a challenging case but I think I've found someone that can handle the challenge or at least wants to try. HE LIKES IT AND HE KNOWS IT :) Anywho, I'm sure that next year is the big year for me - - HAPPINESS LURKS - - BEWARE :) Happy New Year!!!!!!

Yes, it's that time again....

Well, it's Christmas Eve and this isn't exactly how I had planned to spend it this year (alone). I know that everything goes according to plan, it's just really hard right now. I am thankful for the blessings in my life, don't get me wrong - - - there is just one huge blessing that is so incomplete. I didn't think you could miss someone that you don't even have. I'm just trying to press forward and make it thru this season a better woman.......

I'm thankful

today for the one who believes in me the most, even when I don't. He has stood by me no matter what and I am so thankful to God for putting him in my path in the most unusal way. I don't know where I would be without him and for that I can never say "thank you" enough. I'm not good at the emotional thing, but I'm working on it. He deserves to know just how wonderful he is even though he has been beaten down in his past relationships. I hope he realizes that, like me, his time is coming and I hope that I'm a part of it to see how it all unfolds............

Christmas is coming - - - -

Stressed would be putting it mildly. I am beyond stressed but trying to put on the happy stressless face. However, it's not working out too well. I really want to get things started and be steady with my work/orders. I know that everything will work out in God's time and in His will, it's just hard for me sometimes to sit back and watch Him work. I am very thankful for all that He has done in my life thus far. I know He has only begun with me. I know that I'm not as close to Him as I should be and I'm working on that. I know that I have many flaws and I'm trying to process all those and work on those as well. Christmas has always been my favorite Holiday but for the past two years, it just hasn't been the same. I feel so much like my life is on hold. Just waiting drives me insane. I want nothing more then to not have to depend on anybody for anything. It just sucks because I never pictured myself here, in this place. My mind is so jumbled most of the time and I don't like that feeling. The feeling of the "unknown" isn't what I want my life to be about. I want to learn how to trust God enough to mold me into the person/His child that He needs me to be. Once again, life is just a journey of roads to be traveled.............