Christmas is coming - - - -

Stressed would be putting it mildly. I am beyond stressed but trying to put on the happy stressless face. However, it's not working out too well. I really want to get things started and be steady with my work/orders. I know that everything will work out in God's time and in His will, it's just hard for me sometimes to sit back and watch Him work. I am very thankful for all that He has done in my life thus far. I know He has only begun with me. I know that I'm not as close to Him as I should be and I'm working on that. I know that I have many flaws and I'm trying to process all those and work on those as well. Christmas has always been my favorite Holiday but for the past two years, it just hasn't been the same. I feel so much like my life is on hold. Just waiting drives me insane. I want nothing more then to not have to depend on anybody for anything. It just sucks because I never pictured myself here, in this place. My mind is so jumbled most of the time and I don't like that feeling. The feeling of the "unknown" isn't what I want my life to be about. I want to learn how to trust God enough to mold me into the person/His child that He needs me to be. Once again, life is just a journey of roads to be traveled.............